War Poet.ca - A CFAP Project by Suzanne Steele

sometimes it's okay to be okay

talked to greenman. one glorious hour of soldier bitch. I laughed, said, “I miss soldier bitch. I feel almost as if I haven’t taken my vitamins” because believe me, there’s nothing quite like an infantryman rant.

hour two, stories. the adder. the scorpion pit. the smokes with elders. the kids swarming him (which actually made him safer).

I tell greenman how much we all worried for them. he says, “ya, I know. but what am I supposed to say, sorry? I was just doing my job. I wasn’t worried. I didn’t flinch. your time is up when your time is up. I wish everyone would stop making a fuss.”

and the thing is, he loves his job. the desert a home away from home. he knows its grooves. and now he’s got to learn a new normal of paying bills, buying shit, arranging, rearranging the stuff of life.

I tell him how good he sounds. the best I’ve ever heard him. and he says, “everyone wants to see crazy and can’t believe that I came back okay, but I am. I really am.”

and I’m thinking the pendulum might have swung too far the other way with all the articles and programs on PTSD. don’t get me wrong, lots of them come back with shit and need to look after it. and their families have stuff that needs to be dealt with. and there’s no shame in this ever. but some of them come back good to go, so good to go that they’re ready to leave again real soon.

like T-man. just got an email from him. he jumps a little at sudden noises but then just laughs at himself. he’s settled in well with his wife and kids. they’re happy. he’s happy. it’s his nature.

and I’m thinking it’s okay to be okay after war.

just like it’s okay not to be okay after war. it just is what it is. and you ask for help when you need it and you celebrate when you don’t.


1 Comment (Closed)

Nancy Wilson

Greenman’s “story” has been most fascinating and telling.
Where did the time go between this entry and the very powerful “Deployment Dream”?

May 27 2010 · 10:58

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The page you're reading contains a single diary entry entitled sometimes it's okay to be okay. It was posted here on May 27, 2010.

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